The voices in our heads, those negative voices that scream at us, dripping venom into the streams of our consciousness, asserting that we are nothing but failures, that point at every mistake as if it is some crime against humanity. We internalize these whispered obscenities, convincing ourselves that we are burdens or abominations to those around us.
The source of all of this negativity in our minds isn’t us. It is rooted into our minds by the poison of those people in our lives who refuse or fail to understand what we live with, whose expectations were based on an ignorant need for us to meet some non-existent status quo of mediocrity. It is the voices of those who see our quirks as failings and blow our mistakes out of proportion to what they were. They do not understand the need to learn from failure and mistakes because they are too stuck in mediocrity to recognize that failure is how we learn and become greater. They are ashamed of their own lives and their own lack of meaning.
It is important to understand that that is the insidiousness of Imposter Syndrome.
The sibilant whispers tell us that it’s not worth doing anything at all if we do not do something perfectly. This voice roars at us in the quiet of the night, diminishing our daily accomplishments by framing them as minor, insufficient, and worthless. It points to every hint of anger, rejection, or any perceived judgment and then explodes those perceptions into a false delusion of how much of a burden we are.
We all deal with it. It is a product of our lives struggling with people who do not understand the damage their words do to us. Those who do not realize that because of our lack of social skills and how much of our self-image is derived from those around us because of our inability to be self-reflective. Their ignorance follows us through our lives as this poisonous morass of our perceived self-worth. Beyond the ignorant, some understand the damage they can do and relish our pain. These are the abusers that so many of us have lived with and may still live with.
Yeah, I dealt with this for 20 years. I still deal with it sometimes, but I have learned to tell that negative shit to go the fuck on.
I have learned to find validation in myself with all the amazing things I have accomplished. I also draw validation from those I have chosen as friends and family – those who respect my boundaries and see my true self. Those who have taken the time to help me realize that these negative thoughts aren’t mine and that they are wrong, not just about me, but about what life is meant to be.
Healing is a process that takes time, but eventually, we can get to a place where we recognize the struggles that we've gone through but also recognize that we made it through them and are still here. Still alive.
A huge component of this healing process has been my work with amazing therapists, life coaches, and support groups like the Men’s ADHD Support community. We have to learn how to counter those voices, and that takes intentionally looking at ourselves and our lives and finding those points where, against all odds, we find a way to persevere. So many times, we have had our success invalidated by people claiming that we achieved it through luck, so much so that we often tell ourselves it was luck. They taught us that we should ignore the effort that we had to put in to succeed, but instead, only focus on trying to meet unrealistic definitions of success set by those whose own mediocrity couldn’t meet the same criteria.
Our struggles do not stem from being some broken neurotypical, but because we are different. Unfortunately, we live in a world and in a society that is not designed around our way of thinking but around a neurotypical way of thinking. Not only that, they also cater to the status quo, and anything that challenges that is anathema. Our society propagates the type of people in our lives who don’t want us to succeed or dismiss our needs.
No, instead, they want us to conform. However, we are not here to conform to their way of thinking. We are here to forge our own path. We do this by learning how to celebrate our way of thinking and work within our strengths, create systems that allow us to use those strengths, and follow our passions. This is all individual to ourselves, there is no cookie cutter solution here. That's why we need people around us to give us the support we deserve.
As we navigate our journey through life, it's imperative to understand we aren’t here to change who we are, our core selves. Instead, we're here to evolve, hone our strengths, and discover our unique purposes. Our destiny isn't to linger in mediocrity, shrouded by masks of conformity, but to disrupt the status quo and effect change in the world around us. That is our power to claim.
Take time to learn from friends, family, therapists, and coaches on how to foster self-love and then forge your path through adversity. You will emerge from your struggles not only intact but stronger and wiser, every failure and misstep seen as a path forward. Discard the voices demanding mediocrity, brush aside the voices who clamor for the status quo, and stride forward, boldly embracing your undeniable greatness and power.
If you're ready to start your journey, schedule a Discovery Call Today!