Understanding Fidgeting and Stimming: Support It, Don’t Suppress It

Before you try to stop a fidget or stim, pause and ask: is it actually causing harm?

If it’s not dangerous, disruptive, or destructive, then the real question isn’t how to stop it, but why we’d try to stop it at all. And I don’t mean this with any judgment. Fidgeting, stimming, tapping, bouncing, chewing—these are forms of self-regulation. They help kids with ADHD or autism manage focus, emotional balance, and sensory input. For some, it’s like breathing. Asking them to stop is like asking someone to stop blinking when they’re anxious. It’s not just a “bad habit”—it’s often what helps them function.

What’s the Difference Between Fidgeting and Stimming?

The ADHD brain struggles with attention regulation and often underproduces dopamine. Movement like fidgeting helps stimulate the brain just enough to stay alert and engaged. That’s why you’ll see a kid start to doodle, bounce their knee, or mess with something in their hands during school—they’re not zoning out; they’re trying to stay in it.

Where ADHD-related fidgeting helps spark focus, autism-related stimming is often about managing sensory input and emotional overwhelm. Stimming can include hand flapping, rocking, spinning, humming, repeating words or sounds, tapping, or other repetitive movements. It helps create predictability and control in an environment that can feel chaotic. Stimming isn’t always about focus—it’s about calming, grounding, and making sense of what’s happening.

Stimming can also include things that look like tics or social anxiety responses. For example, when I’m socially stressed, my hand might wave at my shoulder or I might stutter without realizing it. These aren’t intentional or meant to get attention—they’re how the body tries to cope with stress and sensory load.

The issue isn’t that fidgeting or stimming happens. The issue is when people try to stop it without understanding why it’s happening. Unless it’s unsafe, it shouldn’t be stopped—it should be supported or redirected if needed.

When Should You Intervene?

Not all fidgeting or stimming is harmless. Sometimes it crosses into dangerous territory—picking at skin or wounds, biting, hitting, head banging, or anything that causes harm. This isn’t defiance or attention-seeking. It’s often a sign that the person is overwhelmed and out of safer coping strategies. 

The goal isn’t to punish or or to shame them for what’s happening, it’s often largely out of their control. Our goal needs to be to figure out what’s driving it and help them find safer ways to self-regulate by redirecting as kindly as we can. If harmful stimming keeps happening, don’t wait—get help from an occupational therapist, therapist, or other medical professional as soon as you can. 

How to Support Fidgeting and Stimming

Redirect instead of suppress. If the fidget or stim is loud, unsafe, or distracting, offer a replacement. For example, if a child is tapping loudly on a desk, you might give them a silent fidget toy or a stress ball. If they’re chewing on clothing, try chewelry. There’s no one-size-fits-all—it’s about finding what meets their need in that moment.

Set clear but compassionate boundaries. Instead of saying, “Stop stimming” or “Stop fidgeting,” offer limits that keep them safe. For example, “You can rock in your chair, but not so hard it tips,” or “It’s okay to tap, but let’s use this softer object.” The goal is to protect without shame.

Gently build awareness. When appropriate, adults can help kids become more aware that they’re stimming or fidgeting. This isn’t about stopping the behavior—it’s about helping them notice it so they can choose whether to adjust. A private, respectful signal can work well. For example, my wife gives me a gentle knee pat when I start talking too much because I’m nervous and around a lot of people. It’s not shaming or calling me out—it’s a reminder to pause and check in with myself.

Work with teachers, coaches, and caregivers. Make sure the adults in your child’s world understand what specific stims or fidgets look like for them. For example, you might explain that hand-flapping means they’re overwhelmed and need space, while pencil tapping helps them focus. Make sure everyone knows when to redirect and when to let it be.

Track patterns. Pay attention to when and why the stimming or fidgeting happens. For example, you might notice your child rocks when they’re tired, or they fidget with objects when they’re trying to listen. What helps in one situation might not help in another. The more you know, the better you can support them.

Fidgeting and stimming aren’t the problem. The problem is how often we fail to understand and support them. When we do, we help neurodivergent kids—and adults—thrive.