When to Suspect Neurodivergence like ADHD or Autism in Your Child—and What to Do Next
The early signs of ADHD and Autism in children, how to get a diagnosis, where parent training and therapy fit, and how to find the right specialists.
We just learned one of us is neurodivergent
A lot of things suddenly make sense. Years of forgotten plans, shutdowns after every party, and "you never listen" have an explanation. So does a lot of hurt, and the diagnosis doesn't erase it. One of you may feel relieved, and the other may feel like the diagnosis is being used as an excuse. That split shows up after a lot of diagnoses, and it's workable.
A diagnosis isn't an excuse, and it isn't a fix either. It's an explanation, which means the forgotten plans finally have a mechanism you can work with instead of a character flaw you keep fighting about. A lot of partners find out along the way that they have some wiring of their own. We learn how both brains work, then build systems both of you can run.
Start with these
Free resource
Get the free Values and Strengths Workbook
The workbook I start coaching with. You figure out what actually matters to you and what you're actually good at, so you can build your life around both instead of around who you think you should be. For adults with ADHD, autism, or AuDHD, diagnosed or wondering.
For more, check out these Resources!
Book
Driven to Distraction
Edward M. Hallowell, John J. Ratey
Driven to Distraction started the adult ADHD conversation. Now you can explore where we are going with ADHD 2.0.
For a lot of adults, this is the book where somebody finally said the words out loud. Edward Hallowell and John Ratey fill it with case after case of people whose lives look like yours, and what they did about each one. The original came out in 1994, and they revised it in 2011 with updated medical information, so get the revised edition. Even revised, it predates the DSM-5, and the thinking has moved on since. Read it for the recognition. For the same two authors working from the current science, that's ADHD 2.0.
Podcast
ADHD Aha! (Understood.org)
Laura Key
Each episode is one person describing the moment they realized they, or their kid, had ADHD. Laura Key hosts, has ADHD herself, and lets guests tell it their way. It's stories, not instruction. If you're late-diagnosed, newly diagnosed, or still sitting with the question, hearing other people's version of your own moment does something a symptom list doesn't.
YouTube channel
ADHD & Marriage
Melissa Orlov
Melissa Orlov wrote The ADHD Effect on Marriage, and this is her channel. She talks about the parent-child pattern that sets in when one partner ends up managing the other, and what a couple can do about it. She also runs a couples seminar and support groups, so the videos point somewhere. If you've had the same fight for years, start here.